Why Book Clubs Benefit from Clear Guidelines
A book club works best when everyone knows what to expect. Setting out some basic rules and standards of behaviour from the start helps the group run smoothly and avoids misunderstandings down the line.
Most of these guidelines will seem like common sense. Even so, putting them in writing gives you something to refer back to if problems arise. It also makes it easier to welcome new members, who can see straight away how the group operates.
Rules should be flexible and inclusive rather than rigid. Think of them as shared expectations that help everyone feel comfortable. A short list of agreed points can prevent the kind of friction that causes book clubs to fall apart after a few months.
Setting Up Your Guidelines
When you start a book club, it pays to spend a little time agreeing on how things will work. This might feel like a distraction when you are keen to start discussing books, but it saves time later. Groups that skip this step often find themselves revisiting the same disagreements about meeting times, book choices or how discussions should be run.
Gather your founding members and talk through the basics. Consider questions such as:
- How often will you meet, and for how long?
- Where will meetings take place?
- How will you choose books: by vote, rotation, or another method?
- What happens if someone cannot finish the book before a meeting?
- Are there any topics or genres the group prefers to avoid?
- Will refreshments be provided, and if so, by whom?
- What is the policy on phone use during meetings?
You do not need to cover every possible situation. A few clear points on the main practical matters will usually be enough. If you cannot reach agreement on something, you might try a simple majority vote, though for more contentious issues, working towards consensus or asking a neutral member to mediate can preserve goodwill.
Write your agreed guidelines down, even if just in a shared document or group chat. That way, everyone can refer back to them when needed.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
Encouraging Respectful Discussion
The best book club conversations happen when people feel free to share their honest opinions. This means creating an atmosphere where members listen to one another and respond thoughtfully, even when they disagree.
A few ground rules for discussion can help people feel confident contributing, knowing they will be heard without interruption or dismissal. For example, you might agree that members should let others finish speaking before responding, or that personal attacks are never acceptable. Some groups find it useful to have a chair or facilitator for each meeting, whose job is to keep the conversation on track and make sure everyone has a chance to contribute.
It can also help to remind members that not everyone reads at the same pace or has the same background. Someone who has not finished the book may still have something worthwhile to say. Equally, a member with specialist knowledge in a topic should be encouraged to share it, without dominating the conversation.
If one person's behaviour is causing problems, a gentle reminder of the group's guidelines is often enough to set things right. Providing a general reminder to all members can maintain a positive and inclusive atmosphere.
Reviewing and Updating Your Rules
A book club will change over time. New members may join, others may leave, and the group's preferences may shift. It makes sense to review your guidelines now and then to check they still work for everyone.
An annual review is a practical approach for most groups. This gives you a chance to discuss what is working well and what could be improved. You might find, for instance, that your meeting length needs adjusting now the group has grown, or that your book selection process could be fairer. If new issues have come up during the year, you can add guidelines to cover them.
Be open to suggestions from all members. A rule that made sense when the club started may no longer fit the way the group operates. Equally, something that seemed unnecessary at first may now be worth adding.
Keeping your guidelines up to date shows that the club values its members' input. It also helps prevent small frustrations from building into larger problems.
A well run book club can bring years of enjoyment and introduce you to books you might never have picked up on your own. Agreeing on basic guidelines from the start can make a real difference to how much everyone gets out of it.
But l can find no where that proves it is true, please advice.
'Book Club etiquette dictates that if you abstain from reading a book, for whatever reason, you also abstain from the discussion. Otherwise it inhibits other members from free discussion.'
This has been quite hurtful to a few members, & is leaving a bad taste. Is she right ?
The lady hosting was annoyed her friend had been made to feel uncomfortable, and things has escalated from there with the two members having a falling out.
I definitely think the lady hosting should have spoken with the bookclub leader before inviting her friend along, and do you think adding members should be spoken about at the bookclub before just inviting your friends along?
In my experience, the clubs that have the most comfortable meetings & retain members are the ones that don't accept unacceptable behavior from its members. If members are allowed to behave in a rude manner towards other members, then they're being enabled.
Most book clubs I've belonged to have ignored eye rolling unless there's also loud sighing, mumbling under breath, mimicking, etc. or unless multiple members complain.
I hope you've removed the other member.
It sounds like she's cruel to others in a sly way that is probably only really noticed by those on the receiving end.
If not & you can't remove her from the club for some reason, here are tips:
-when she doesn't acknowledge someone when spoken to, step in & acknowledge the person "Hi Jane, it's nice to see you again."
-when she speaks over someone, step in & say "Jane was speaking, you may have a turn to speak once she's finished."
-when she tries to get the group to talk about someone in front of them: "If you have additional questions please try to phrase it better or address the person directly & ask "I'm curious about what you said earlier, where can I learn more?"
Best wishes!
There's also a member who only speaks with & interacts with certain members of the group. When others attempt to interact w/her, she stares through them as if they don't even exist. If one of them is sharing an opinion with the group, she'll speak over them so that everyone starts paying attention to her. Or if someone she doesn't like says something with which she disagrees, she'll say "Someone said X, but is that really true you guys?" in an attempt to get the group to talk about the person in front of them instead of asking the speaker questions about what was said or asking the speaker to provide sources that back up their claim.
I've argued that both of these ladies should be removed if they can't treat all members in a kind & civil manner but others in the group disagree & think it would be cruel to kick them out of the group & that instead we should just ignore the behavior w/hopes that if ignored the behavior will stop. Unfortunately, the behavior is escalating/getting worse not better. I feel like we're enabling toxic behaviors of these 2 members.
Any suggestions for how to handle? Or is the solution to remove them from the group?
No political opinions please. I am the primary organizer of our book club and it really grinds me when members slip in political opinion to a discussion.
We do not allow political books, self help and avoid religious theme books. These topics seem to bring out the worst in us and ALWAYs offend someone.
Everyone likes each other and we really do like the social part of our meeting. However, once the discussion started the people who had only seen the American movie kept interjecting the
movie into the discussion. It was, in my point of view, distracting and frustrating. The woman who had selected the book finally said , we don't want to hear anymore about the American movie. That slowed down the movie comments but they kept coming. The people who did not read the book at all are younger and really do have busy, busy lives. They thought they would like the book but said they just didn't have time.
One of the " movie people" is very upset . She feels she was shunned and public ally shamed. I don't see it that way but feelings are feelings. The " reader" felt that those who did not read the book should listen to the discussion. Perhaps ask questions about the book but that bringing in a movie, that only two of seven had seen ; was going off topic.
So my question is, what should have happened? Do we need to have a moderator that sets the rules before we start.
I really wanted to discuss the book but I don't want to lose friends over it.
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